4/14/14 (Passover)
Miami, Florida
I like talk about the difference between values and opinions, since
that, along with respect, is one of the most important aspects of a
relationship, any relationship. An
important value to me is family, and this night that is so very different from
all other nights, I will start my entry on that note. This night is different to me because I am at
an airport hotel, quite literally ready to take on the world. This trip will be the most important trip I
take until I say Canada Complete, since it will be the trip whose success
determines whether or not I remove one of my tertiary goals from my 30
Goals. Of the 17 goals that give my blog
its name, one of them is to visit every North American WHS. Visiting every U.S. and Canadian WHS are
primary goals, and every NA Country is a high secondary goal. The other countries I need to visit in North
America will almost necessarily include visiting their WHS. Costa Rica might be a little complicated, but
it is practically impossible to miss the other two WHS in North America when
visiting those countries, except for Mexico.
I have never formally made the 3 what I call High importance goals would
be part of my 30 Goals. They are
included in the 17, but they are not required.
If the next 6 days are successful, and the success will entirely and
absolutely depend on hitting all the WHS in CA-4, it will just leave the
remaining WHS in Mexico standing in the way of saying NA Complete. A few trips to Mexico to pick up those
remaining WHS would fit into my travel budget, but it would be very difficult
and take a hit on my cigar budget. It
would completely reshape my travel plans over the next few years, and the only
way I would do it would be for the goal of NA Complete. If I fail with CA-4 Complete, then there is
no point to trying it. That is why this
coming trip is so important.
I have
gotten off-topic. Family is something I
value very highly. I often say that I
view very poorly compassion for strangers and very highly compassion for people
we love. Why is family so important to
me? Because it’s family. That means that family is a primary
value. There are some (4) members of
family whom I love, others whom I don’t.
To love is to value. I will not
say that I love someone simply because they are family. They also have to provide value to my
life. That said, they are still family,
and they matter to me for that very reason.
I am not one of those people who says how much their third cousin the
first time they meet them. Love is
earned, not a result of blood. That
said, they are still family and important to me for that very reason. It was for that very reason that I enjoyed
spending the day at my grandmother’s house today, sitting around with her
husband, politely answering his questions.
It was the Seder that I most enjoyed since that truly represented family
coming together, but I first must recall the nine or so hours from the time I
woke up until the time my aunt and uncle arrived at my grandmother’s
house.
I did not set an alarm, and I
woke up a little before 10AM. Not seeing
a reason to stay in bed, I got up and began my day. There was a cup of black coffee waiting on
the kitchen table, and I knew that David had gone out to get it for me, not out
of obligation, but because I was his guest, and he wants his guests to enjoy
their time at his house. As I was
drinking it, he joined me. In the mood
for more than just eggs and wanting to get out of the house, I asked him if he
knew where the nearest Denny’s was. He
did not. My phone did. I wasted no time to get on my way, knowing
that a trip to Florida would not be complete without a trip to Denny’s. The theme of this entry is family, so it is
only fitting to describe what was missing from the meal, and I do not mean the
pancakes and hash browns. I, of course,
mean my father. The whole meal was
off. I got a Build Your Own slam with
double eggs, double bacon, and two types of sausage, along with coffee, and a
sugar-free dessert. It was all really
good, but something was off. Maybe it
was partly that I couldn’t have pancakes and hash browns, but, as I was driving
away, I realized that it was because my father was not there with me, that we
were not enjoying our breakfast together, as we have done dozens, maybe a
hundred, times, glad to escape my grandmother’s idiosyncrasies for the morning
before we agree that all that mattered was that my mother was happy that we
were spending time with her mother. What
were a few carbs next to that? The
breakfast was taking a toll on me, and I really needed to get home, but I
wanted to stop at drug store first to get some aloe, allergy medicine, and
Atkin’s bars. I easily found all three
and was on my way. The bathroom was now
approaching emergency level. I went to
the back gate, but my card would not work, and they sent me around to the front
gate, a process that added 7 minutes. It
turned out that it wasn’t activated, and David had actually mentioned something
about that before I left for breakfast.
Just as I pulled into the driveway, I saw him on his golf cart. He told me to hop on so that we could go get
the card activated. I wasn’t sure I
could wait that long, but I did as I was told.
It only took 15 minutes round trip.
My grandmother was up, and I asked her if I could do a load of laundry,
knowing that she would much rather do the load herself. I was right.
I grabbed my laptop and the cigars I had bought on Saturday and headed
out there. I lit up my favorite cigar
from the batch, a Frank Herrera Godfather, the house blend of the old owner,
and got some very productive work done.
That reminds me. I need to set my
Out of Office message, so I will pause.
Okay, on my way back, I timed the drive, just for the heck of it. Door to door, it was 4 minutes from the cigar
store to my grandmother’s house. I
cannot get from my office to my regular cigar store in that time, and I only
need to cross one street to get there. I
got back to work, also making my final preparations for the trip, packing and
printing, as well. My uncle was supposed
to call when he was on his way, and, that point, I was going to do my final
packing and sew the rip in my suit pants.
He forgot to call and showed up a little before 7PM while I was still
packing. I had done all the work I
needed to do, and I was far more confident in my preparations. We were very glad to see each other, it
probably being over 2 years. It is also
the first time that we interacted as adults rather than me as just his nephew,
and I discovered a marked difference in the way I viewed him. Here was the sharp, business man my
grandfather always mentions to me. When
you’re clinging to your parents and brother, having fun with his kids being the
big cousin, you don’t notice that kind of stuff. Another reason why this night was different
from all other nights. He also had a
very sharp sense of humor, and we were laughing at each other’s jokes, joke
that no one else got. Another weird
thing. I had always thought of him as my
grandmother’s son, but somehow it never occurred to me that my grandmother is
also his mother. I always think of her
as my mother’s mother. Obviously, I knew
it intellectually, but that is not how I meant it. After kibitzing in the living room for a bit,
talking about home prices, it was time for the Seder. As I have said, family is family. You forgive them for things you would forgive
no one else. You make exceptions for
things you would accept from anyone else.
You either reject them as family or accept them for who they are. My grandmother practically tried to force
feed gefilte fish on me, even though it was not on my diet. She could not understand how 6 grams of carbs
could make a difference. My aunt and
uncle, with a diabetic son, of course understand in great detail exactly what
each carb meant.
Seders with my
grandmother are always and adventure, and my reader should know that I did not
find it at all surprising that my grandmother would try to force gefilte fish on
me. She did it out of love. We did not have matching Seder books, so my
grandfather would start reading, and my aunt and uncle with non-matching books
had to try to find the page. We picked
and chose which random items to include and which ones to exclude. This was not to be my aunt’s 6-hour
Seder. This is the world’s faster
Seder. For some reason, it was important
to include the blessing over the lighting over the candles. We did not light candles. My grandmother poured us white wine, since it
was the only bottle she had open. I
objected that it was supposed to represent the blood of our ancestors. My uncle and I agreed that it would represent
the white blood cells of our ancestors.
When it came time for the four questions, I started reading in English
but was told to do the Hebrew version, which I did. My aunt praised my reading skills. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I
was reading the transliteration, though I guess I just did. After the four questions, David said, “And
now let’s eat.” My grandmother objected
that she hadn’t had a chance to read a section.
She read whatever was on the next page.
My uncle then said, “And now let’s eat.”
I then objected that we hadn’t done the Ten Plagues. I was younger, we would recreate each of the
Ten Plagues, dabbing a drop of wine on our plate with each plague. It was always my favorite part of the
Seder. I turned to the page with the Ten
Plagues, quickly read their names in English and said, “And now let’s eat.” We ate.
The brisket was good, and that was the bulk of my meal, along with a few
carrots. I also had the smallest bite of
matzo, just so I could say I had some.
During dinner, we all traded war stories about our travels. How could my past two years compare with
their lifetimes of travels? I’m sure
that when I’m leading the Seder many years from now, I will be the clear
winner, but, tonight, a night different from all other nights, I stayed
quiet.
After dinner, we went back to the
living room, talked some more, and then came back for dessert. My uncle apologized for the plate of carbs in
front of me, but I had my coconut Atkin’s bar, which I called my macaroon. We talked some more, and it was getting
late. Each minute we talked, no matter
how enjoyable it was, meant one less minute of sleep. I asked my grandmother for the needle and
thread and stitched up my pants. Not
wanting to just announce my departure, I realized that if I came back to the
table in my suit, it would wrap things up.
I was right. We said our
goodbyes, I thanked my host, and we were on our way. I lit up a Padron and stopped for gas before
getting on the highway. The traffic was
bad, and I didn’t get to the hotel until 11:30 AM, far behind schedule. I won’t even be getting 3 hours of sleep
tonight, but tomorrow is one of the easier days. I can have my guide do all of the driving and
sleep in the car. The room was
non-smoking, despite the fact that I had requested a smoking room, so I knocked
the non-smoking sign behind the desk, covered the smoke detector with a towel, it
up my Avo, and proceeded to write this entry, which I will now close so that I
can get a little sleep.
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