8/1/15, “For
Better, For Worse”
Hood River,
Oregon
One of the
biggest differences between the dynamic with a romantic partner versus family
and friends is that family and friends are always there for better, for
worse. Reader, how many times have you
been a relationship with someone who left when things went for worse, or you
walked away from someone who treated you like shit once. With friends and family, it’s different. Your family is there for you for better, for
worse. If you curse out your family
member, treat them poorly, whatever, they don’t walk out of your life. They want to know what is bothering you that
is causing you to act that way. They
want to know what the for worse is so that they can help make it for better
again.
Friends are the same way, and it
is very difficult to find that with a romantic partner. Enter the advantage of dating a friend, of
dating someone who has already been there for you for worse. Cue the Friends theme. (“I’ll be there for you, when the rain starts
to pour. I’ll be there for you, like
I’ve been there before. I’ll be there
for you, cause you’re there for me, too.”)
That was Monica and Chandler.
That was all the six famous friends.
In fact, the entire show was about the six of them being there for each
other, for better, for worse. Emily,
Mike, they all walked away when things went for worse. Mike came back in the end, but that’s rare.
This idea, for better, for worse, that is
what friends and family are about, and the goal is to become family with your
partner so that the idea of leaving when things are for worse is not even a
consideration. That is what I see in my
brother and my future sister. I have
seen them for worse. I have seen them
when they fight. I have seen how nothing
can tear apart the unshaken bond they have.
Fuck, this needs to go into the speech tonight. Alright, so what happened after I closed last
night? I think I might have closed this
entry a little prematurely. Actually,
I’m going to pause so that I can charge my phone while I finish this.
The flight
was delayed due to multiple issues, and Sokol was texting me back and
forth. We had planned a bit of a
surprise. No one knew he was coming to
the wedding, and he was en route from Portland to Hood River. Once we took off, even though I was in first
class, the service was very haughty. I
was on my laptop at meal time, and she refused to bring my food unless I put
away the laptop. She said I needed to
put the tray out, and I could use half the tray for my laptop. Whatever.
I had a beer with the meal, which was half done by time the food came,
and she asked if I brought another one.
I had finished my food before the beer came, so I asked if I could just
get a coffee instead. She angrily told
me she had just opened the beer.
Whatever.
Once we landed, I had a
slew of texts from Sokol about the surprise on everyone’s face when he showed
up. I then realized I had not received
my confirmation email from Hertz.
Ugh. My name was not on the Gold
board, either. Apparently, since I
booked through Expedia, the Gold status did not transfer over. I went to wait on the Gold line to get my
car, but I was told I couldn’t even use that line since I didn’t book through
Gold. The clerk was very haughty about
it. That’s Oregon for you. I then had to go the back of the regular
line. It was half an hour before I got
my car, a beautiful and high-tech new Nissan.
I put the hotel in as the destination and lit up a Davidoff Escurio
Grand Toro, which has replaced the Nic Toro as my new choice for the first
drive of a trip, and I headed to the hotel.
Sokol was waiting for me in the room, and he woke up with a start, not
entirely sure where he was. He then
remembered. He was in Oregon, crashing my
brother’s wedding. Right. He told me every detail of his arrival. He saw my brother in the lobby and tapped him
on the shoulder. My brother was happily
surprised that he showed up but not altogether shocked. My mom invited him to dinner with them. Deborah, my brother’s fiancée, said something
like, “The last thing you said to me a year ago was, ‘See you at the
wedding.’ I didn’t think you were really
coming, though. I’m not sure where we’ll
seat you, but it doesn’t matter. It’s
just great that you’re here.” It was 2
AM local time, 5 AM EDT, by the time we got to sleep.
We woke up and headed down to breakfast, and
Sokol knew exactly what I wanted, ordering for me. We sat next to some family friends, which
included a daughter from our class at grade school. After breakfast, we headed up and met my
mother. We then headed back down and
were going to sit with her, but I saw my favorite cousin sitting with her
father. I literally ran over to her and
gave her a huge hug. I will focus more
on the theme of “dearly beloved” tomorrow, but she is, without a doubt the
cousin I love the most not, least because she, along with her brother, is the
only one who doesn’t constantly lie to me.
I’m just closer with her than I am with her brother. We sat with my cousin and uncle, and my uncle
was glad to regale us with stories. The
way my cousin reacted to those stories, she literally transformed into her
mother in front of my eyes.
They went
back upstairs, and we made plans to meet up later. I then rejoined my parents, where Samtur, my
brother’s friend, had also joined. It
was funny, there are at least three each of Sokol and Samtur brothers. Neither knew which of the brothers the other
was, but it didn’t matter. It’s like
Weasleys. To anyone outside the close
group of friends, they are interchangeable.
They even just call each other by the last name. They happened to have the same first
name. We talked about anything and
everything for about an hour before heading back up to our room. I then went out to the balcony, where I lit
up an Ardor and proceeded to write this entry, which I will now close so that I
can finish my pipe and head back downstairs to rejoin my family.
My original
plan for today was to head out to an NPS almost four hours away. A stamped brochure, or a day with family and
friends? I chose the latter. I chose right. When I declared my independence a month ago
from toxic friendships and relationships, I vowed to only spend time and energy
on the people who enriched my life, not even exempting family members. The family members I had been specifically
thinking of were the ones who had bailed on the wedding at that point and lied
to me about it. That meant, none of them
were here.
The ones who were here were
the ones who still mattered to me. What
about for better, for worse? No, that exemption
does not apply. What had those cousins
done to have earned my love? Yes, love
must be earned. I will address the idea
of dearly beloved more thoroughly tomorrow, but I owe nothing to anyone who
does not earn my love. The grandfather
who could not make it, for better, for worse, in sickness, in health, is
another story. He has always been there
for me, for better, for worse, so I can forgive him a few flaws. My best friend, by brother’s friends, that
is absolute, too. It is thereby that I
thoroughly enjoyed spending the day with them and my favorite cousins.
After I closed, I headed down to breakfast
and found my brother’s friends with their SOs.
My brother and his fiancée soon came down, too. She addressed with one word, the only word
that was necessary, “Brother.” We
hugged, and they sat down. My cousins
(brother and sister separately) came down, too.
Once the male cousin came, I got up, and we went in search of his
sister. One thing led to another, and he
went back to the room, and me, my female cousin, and our aunt and uncle hung
out for almost an hour. It was funny,
anyone seeing the four of us would have immediately assumed we were two
siblings and our parents, despite that we were actually from three separate
families. I went back up to the room,
and we were going to go Jet Skiing at 1 PM, but I didn’t have a reservation,
and I didn’t even bring down my wallet, nor did they have an extra Jet Ski
available.
I then opted for Plan B. Smoke a cigar on the beach. That plan was, shall we say, thwarted, by a
cute paddle boarding instructor. Eventually,
I decided to rent a paddle board to join my brother’s friends, which was quite
an adventure, not quite the adventure of the kayaking, but close. After I was done, I made friends with my
brother’s friends’ “others,” significant or not, and we headed to the pool. They encouraged me to smoke my cigar in the
pool, which I did, much to the chagrin of the other guests.
Reader, if you have never been to Oregon,
especially the Portland area, it is filled of liberal hippies, and most of them
assholes. I was smoking the cigar in the
pool, and some woman walked up to me, telling me that I couldn’t smoke in the
pool, not politely asking me to stop smoking, not saying it was really
bothering me, just ordering me to put it out.
I believed her, thought that smoking was banned in the pool area. That should have been the end of it. No, the whole group decided to stare us down
for the rest of their time there. I
suggested we have some fun with them, and my brother’s friends and their “others”
were on board. I relit the cigar and got
back in the pool with them. That was
when all hell broke loose.
One thing led
to another (at no point was I politely asked to stop), and it practically
developed into a screaming match, every single person outside the group getting
in on it. My brother’s friends and their
“others” had left by that point, but my best friend was there, and he
encouraged me to just do it. Obviously,
that was not going to happen. Reader,
there is something you should know about me.
If you want me to do something, yelling at me or ordering me around when
you have no authority to do so is the surest way to get me to not do it. They said it was banned. I said there were no signs. They wound up calling hotel management. I knew what hotel management would say, even
if it was not an Official rule. This was
Oregon, after all.
Another one of my
brother’s friends came, but he wasn’t coming into the pool area, so I left the
area and joined him. He went to the
room, but I saw my brother coming. That
was when hotel management came and told me that I couldn’t smoke in the pool
area, so I stayed in the garden area. My
brother wanted to go back to the pool area, so I left my cigar in an
ashtray. Hunger soon crept in, so Sokol
(yes, I know I’m being inconsistent in calling him by his name) and I went to
the restaurant, where we found my cousins and sat down with them.
We had fish and chips, and we had a great
time hanging out, sharing stories and what not.
After lunch, Sokol and I headed up to the room, and I went out to the
balcony, where I relit my Davidoff and proceeded to write this entry, which I
will now close. I actually think I will
publish it now so that I can still hit the east coast audience. Besides, I doubt I will be in any state to
write and publish after the rehearsal dinner, so I will treat that in the
morning.
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