The Wedding - Day 0 - "To Have and to Hold"

7/31/15, “To Have and to Hold”

John F. Kennedy International Airport, New York (JFK)

To have and to hold, what does that even mean?  Love is sacrifice.  This might be an unpopular thing to say, but it is true.  By choosing to make this sacrifice, and, yes, love is always a choice.  We may not be able to choose with whom we fall in love, but we have have the choice in our actions.  By choosing to make this sacrifice, by choosing to let someone in to our lives, by choosing to hold and cherish the special person we have in our life, both partners enrich their lives.  So, that’s where the controversy comes into play, because is this choice really a sacrifice?  Sure we give up certain things, but we get so much more in return.  In order to have and to hold, we have to want we have, we have to want to hold it.

By that definition, since we gain so much, maybe it’s not really a sacrifice, but I think it is.  In order to be in a position to gain that much, we must also be in a position to lose everything.  Tomorrow’s entry will focus on “For Better, For Worse,” and anyone who lives up to that, who holds on to what they have for better, for worse will never have to worry about losing what they have.  It is with that in mind that I embark on this trip to Oregon to celebrate my brother’s wedding, so that they can have and hold for the rest of their lives.

A year ago, when I was last in Oregon, I had started dating the girl I thought I was going to marry.  We had and we held, but it was not enough.  There was no for better, for worse.  She went through too much for worse, and she wouldn’t let me be there for her when she was for worse.  I went to Antarctica.  When I came back, she no longer wanted to have or to hold.  She has found someone else now.  Will she want to have and to hold him, for better, for worse?  I don’t know, and I don’t care.  I am happily alone right now.  This time tomorrow, I will be surrounded by friends and family, by five of the six people I love most in the world.  You know who you are, and the sixth one should know who she is, too.  She’s the only person I’ve ever told I’ve loved, in any context, in this calendar year.

There are so many philosophical themes I could explore on this, but the most important one will make it into my rehearsal dinner speech.  I won’t spoil the surprise, but it is pretty much useless to philosophize on love.  Love might be rational (not a typo), but relationships work very empirically.  They either work, or they don’t.  It doesn’t matter why.  I’m tired of sifting through the relationships that don’t work, for now at least.  When I find someone worth having and holding, great.  Until then, I have my friends and my family.

Fuck, I can’t right about the events of last night in the Travelogue, but, let’s just say it ended with my friend crashing on my floor.  It was the first time he legally bought a bottle of alcohol in the United States.  The bottle did not last the night.  He was gone when I woke up, and I rushed to pack and get ready.  I had a fairly productive day at work and a busy extended lunch hour.  First, I had to get a new pair of glasses, and they didn’t have the kind I like in my brand.  Then I went to get my wedding speeches bound, two speeches.  Next, I got my departure lunch at Hop Won.  Then I lit up my H. Upmann and walked back to the FedEx Office to get the binders.  I resumed my cigar and headed to the cigar store, where I picked up some sticks for the trip.  Next, I had to get my shoes shined.  I finished the cigar during the shine, and the guy was a real comedian.  What do a meteorologist and a woman always have in common?  All they want to know is how long it’s going to last and how many inches.  Jokes like that.  I gave him a nice tip since he kept me amused.

I finished up at work, picking up my glasses and a cupcake in the process, and then headed to the airport.  Traffic wasn’t too bad, and I breezed through security.  I headed to the gate, where I wrote an emergency proposal and proceeded to write this entry, which I will now close so that I can write a few more proposals and board.