TLGSRTA - Day 1 - Here We Go

7/3/15, “Here We Go”

En route, I-80 E, Utah

Here we go, our last great summer road trip adventure is underway with a scenic drive through Utah and Wyoming.  On any other trip, this day would be an absolute highlight, breakfast at Utah’s “most iconic” restauarant, a quick stop at Fossil Butte NM, lunch in historic Jackson Hole, and a couple of hours at Grand Teton NP.  That is the plan for today, and, yet, it is basically a travel day.  Compared to the adventures that await us, this day is boring, but here we go.  After I closed at the airport last night, there was quite a delay getting airborne.  The flight itself was relatively unadventurous, though the plane took off close to an hour late.  It was close to 11:30 PM by the time we landed.  We got the car and headed to the hotel.  There was a Wendy’s and a gas station right by the hotel, so my mother checked in while I went to the gas station, Wendy’s being closed unless you had a car for the drive-thru, and I did not feel like going back to get the car just to get a Frosty.  Instead, I stocked up at the gas station on snacks for the road for both of us and a car charger for my phone.

When I got back, it was almost 1 AM.  Whether it was the caffeine, our naps, or the general stress of travel, we both had trouble sleeping, and it was 2 AM by the time I fell sleep.  I woke up with a start, my watch saying 8 AM.  It seemed we had overslept.  The diner opened at 8 AM, and we were supposed to be on our way to Grand Teton NP at 8:30 AM, 9 AM at the absolute latest.  I woke up my mother.  I then realized I had forgotten to set my watch back.  Yes, it was 8 AM in New York.  It was only 6 AM in Salt Lake City.  I alerted my mother to my mistake.  Needless to say, she was none too pleased.  We both had trouble getting back to sleep.  As we were getting ready, I had a nagging suspicion that I had left something off of my itinerary, some NPS in Wyoming en route.  Sure enough, I had forgotten to list Fossil Butte NM, which was 10 minutes off of the highway.  I quickly readjusted, and we got ready.

She went down to the lobby for breakfast, while I made my way to Ruth’s Diner, the “most iconic” restaurant in Utah and a veritable breakfast spot.  While the iconic part was probably inside, everyone was sitting outside, the whether so beautiful.  That is what I did.  As soon as they sit you down, they give you one of their famous “mile-high” biscuits, which is deceptively good.  I asked my server what dishes they were most famous for, and she mentioned the benedicts.  The article that named this place the “most iconic” restaurant in Utah recommended the pulled pork benedict.  I asked her about it.  “That’s my favorite,” she replied.  Excellent.

It truly brought breakfast to another level, each bite an explosive sensation in my mouth.  They sell the coffee mugs, and I asked my server if I could just purchase the mug I was using.  She said that was fine and added the nominal charge for the mug to my tab.  I went back to the hotel to pick up my mother and got in the passenger seat.  The drive has been very scenic, and we are now approaching the Wyoming border.  After I wrote a proposal, I proceeded to write this entry, which I will now close so that I can go back to my proposals once we enter Wyoming.

En route, US-89 N, Wyoming

Here we go, by the time I finish this entry, we will be at Yellowstone National Park.  The big one.  As my mother and I drove this afternoon, we tried to piece together the great summer trips we took, figuring out why we never went to Yellowstone.  It was always in the back of our mind, but we did other things instead, none of them bad trips.  I think there was some element of as I grew older the desire for us to take epic family trips simply faded, and Yellowstone simply never happened.  It is happening now.  Here we go.  We have finished the opening acts, the amuse bouche and the appetizer.  Tomororow is the main act, the main course.  Tomorrow, on the Fourth of July, we will finally do Yellowstone, Stamps and Plaques and all.  We will do it up right.  As we drove through Grand Teton National Park, it felt almost perfunctory.  I kept thinking in the back of my mind that it was just the appetizer.  Wait, here we go, here’s the sign.

Here we are.  We have Officially entered Yellowstone National Park.  It only took us 16 years.  It is fitting that our last great summer road trip adventure will take us here.  It was 16 years ago, to the day maybe, that we went to Grand Canyon National Park on what was and always will be considered our greatest summer road trip adventure.  It brings tears to my eyes as right this, both thinking of the epicness of our last 16 years of travel and the knowledge that is our last big one.  Our GPS says that we will be at our hotel within an hour, but that is ambitious.  Anyway, I was writing about how, as we were driving through Grand Teton NP, something that would, under any circumstances, be a major thing unto itself, we just wanted to get it over with, scarf down our appetizer so that we could get to the main course.  We just wanted to get out stamps, take a few pictures, and get out of there, moving on to the next site.  In fact, the route we were taking, Grand Teton NP was literally unavoidable.  The route from Jackson, WY to our hotel in Yellowstone NP literally went through Grand Teton NP, and it truly felt that way, that we were just getting our stamps because we were there.

Okay, so what happened after I closed in Utah?  As I mentioned, our first stop was Fossil Butte NM.  It has been 11 hours since I had my meal at Ruth’s Diner, and we have not had an Official meal since then.  It might be another two hours before we have dinner tonight.  I am starving, and the snacks have come in quite handy.  Actually, I need some more.  Okay, so we made our way to Fossil Butte NM, which wasn’t much, but it was an NPS.  We were tight on time, since my mother wanted to walk around historic Jackson, and I wanted to make sure I got every stamp at Grand Teton NP and at least made a pass at getting the full enjoyment value out of the NP.  We got our stamp, I lit up a Las Calaveras, and we found our scenic overlook.  In a touch of irony from the trips we used to take (I guess both of our bodies have changed significantly in the past 16 years), she didn’t want to do too much walking, while I was pushing for a longer hike so that I can finish my cigar.

We compromised, and we agreed that I could smoke the rest of my cigar out of the window, and then I would ditch it and take over the wheel.  It turned out that we were taking a slightly different route, so we found ourselves at a gas station.  I told my mother to gas up while I finished the cigar, and then I would ditch the cigar.  She seemed none too pleased with the idea of gassing up and admitted that she didn’t know how to gas up.  I told her that I had confidence in her ability to figure it out.  I was wrong.  As I smoked my cigar, I saw two Asian tourists standing there, watching her attempt to figure it out.  I did not find out all of the details until later, so I will recall them in their proper place.

As we approached Jackson, a drive of about 150 miles, I noticed something.  The gas tank was still at full.  No, that was not possible.  It should have been at least half empty.  This couldn’t be right.  I mentioned it to my mother.  She said that she really filled it up well, putting as much in it as she could.  Wait, what?!?  Yeah, she kept filling it up, even after it shut off.  Huh?  She thought the pump was broken, since it kept shutting off.  No, no, no, there’s an auto-shutoff mechanism.  It automatically stops once it’s full.  She didn’t know that.  It’s actually kind of a big deal, you’re really not supposed to do that.  She could have flooded the mechanism or something.  I don’t know a lot about cars, but I know you’re not supposed to do that.  We decided that we would simply gas up every 200 miles.  That would handle it, or so we thought.

Jackson was quite a letdown, yet somehow we spent an hour there, getting liquor, Wendy’s, and gas.  Right, so we went to the gas station, and I asked the guy if he knew anything about it.  No, he never drove a car in his life.  He rides a bike.  Fuck.  Well, I went back to the pump.  It would only put 3 gallons in the tank.  Fuck again.  We had driven 150 miles since our last fill-up, and we could only put 3 gallons back in the tank.  We could be in dire straits if that kept happening.  We talked about replacing the car in Helena, keeping spare gas in the tank, no idea what to do.  When we finally got data service, I looked it up online.  Sure enough, overfilling the tank like that can fuck up the sensor, which meant two things.  First, the gauge would constantly register as full.  Second, since the tank would think it’s full, we would have trouble properly filling up the tank.  We were probably going to have to replace it in Helena.  I did not relish that thought.

Anyway, there were four stamps to collect in the Park, and I had to do a few other things to make the Park Official.  We did it all, we got all four stamps, and we had some great vistas along the way.  When we got to the Jenny Lake area, we did our little nature walk, and that was where I lit up my Punch, the first Cuban of the trip.  We had about an hour there, which gave us plenty of time to walk and enjoy the views.  We got back in the car, hit the last VC, discussed how we would literally just have to keep track in our heads of how much gas was left in the tank, calculating how much we put in and how much we’ve driven.  We then made our way north along US-89 towards Yellowstone, and I proceeded to write this entry en route, which I will now close, as it looks like our estimated arrival time of slightly after 8 PM will be on point.  Tomorrow’s the big day, though I’m sure I’ll write again from the hotel.

Old Faithful, Wyoming (Yellowstone National Park)

Well, here we are.  A year ago today, I was writing from Glacier Bay National Park, now Yellowstone National Park.  Two years ago today, in Edmonton.  Three years ago today, I was in New York.  However, for four Independence Days now, I will be at a US or Canadian World Heritage Site.  2012, we did our first cave tour at Mammoth Caves National Park.  2013, I did my epic drive up to Wood Buffalo National Park in Canada, and I did my first little walk there around 11 PM.  2014, we did our boat tour of Glacier Bay National Park.  2015, tomorrow, we will do our big tour of Yellowstone National Park, Stamps and Plaques.  That’s what July 4^th has been about to me for four years running now.  It’s funny, last year, July 3^rd, everything went perfectly, except for the Stamps and Plaques.  This year, everything somehow has seemed to go wrong, except for the Stamps and Plaques.  I was five for five on Stamps today, and we are saving the Plaque for tomorrow.  Tonight, I will enjoy the peaceful tranquility of our cabin in this wooded area as I sit outside enjoying my cigar and bourbon, just as I did three years ago.  I still have a shot or two of that bourbon left from Kentucky.  If everything goes well this trip, defined quite simply as “Mainland US Complete” and “Canadian Prairie Complete,” I will celebrate with the rest of that bourbon when I get home.

I cannot begin to describe the tranquility beauty of where I am, nor can my cell phone camera capture the view of the moon and stars.  I will not even try.  It has been a very long day, and we have another long day ahead of us, so I will be brief.  I intend to crash literally the second I finish my cigar and bourbon.  After I closed, we were soon at the Old Faithful Inn.  One small problem, our cabins were at the Old Faithful Lodge, not the Old Faithful Inn.  We had to drive back around a little, but we got everything sorted, took our ceremonial pictures with Old Faithful, and discussed dinner logistics.  I wanted to eat at the Snow Lodge, in no small part because that was the only place to get Wi-Fi, and I had pretty much been off the grid all day, except for a few small pockets of service.  The meal was slow and disappointing, though the sausages were really good.  I think the Diet Coke and bread was the best part of the meal.  I also got a huckleberry cheesecake to go.

After dinner, we walked back to our cabin, and I tried to set up the fan.  I tried to put into a window, which caused the screen to fall out, and as I tried to grab the fan, the wire knocked over my new coffee mug, destroying it beyond repair.  Fuck.  Well, nothing to be done about it.  I went outside to fix the screen and then came back inside.  I figured out the logistics for the next two days, the most efficient way to get my Plaque tomorrow and get every stamp before we left.  I reviewed it with my mother, who was pleased with the minimal amount of driving my optimization entailed.  We then parted ways to our separate rooms, and I lit up a VSG and poured myself some bourbon.  I had to go to the bathroom, and, without getting too graphic, I soon felt a dampness around my feet.  It was nothing from my body.  No, the bottom of the toilet was leaking.  I wiped it up with towels best I could, but my pajama bottoms were soiled with a gray liquid, which I severely hoped did not contain any bodily fluids.  I washed my feet and rinsed the feet of my pajama bottoms.

After everything was sorted, I went outside with my cigar, bourbon, and chair, where I proceeded to write this entry, which I will now close so that I can get some sleep.  Tomorrow’s the big day, as it always is on July 4^th.  I think next July 4^th I will be in Nova Scotia, 2017 in Newfoundland, getting the WHS there.  I am absolute loving this July 4^th Plaques and Stamps thing.  I have no idea what I’ll do starting in 2018.  Maybe back to watching the fireworks locally, since nothing will be able to top these six Independence Day adventures.