TLGSRTA - Day 7 - The Forced Audible

7/9/15, “The Forced Audible”

Jasper, Alberta (Jasper National Park)

Well, I suppose the Canadian Rockies are now necessarily a contender for the title of “The Most Beautiful Place I Have Ever Visited.”  While Jasper can’t quite compare to Waterton, the natural beauty here is unmatched by anything I have ever seen outside of Alaska/Yukon and Antarctica.  I will soon be making my way south to Lake Louise and Banff, where I will be spending the night.  Right, spending the night in Banff, that’s the audible.  I was supposed to spend the night in Calgary.  When we exercised the Helena Option, it was an unforced audible, one we elected to do out of convenience.  This was a forced audible, so that I didn’t have to do 10 hours of driving again on short sleep, get a third night of short sleep, followed by a third 10-hour driving day, maybe even longer.

The VC at Banff closes at 7 PM, and I needed to be on the road by 9 AM to have a chance at enjoying Jasper and making it to Banff in time.  Even still, that was cutting it close.  The gift shop at the legislature opened at 9 AM, so that was the limiting reactant.  After a delicious steak and eggs breakfast, I didn’t leave the hotel until 9 AM, but it was only a few minutes from there to the legislature.  When I got there, after some trouble parking, plenty of people were taking pictures, so I took my ceremonial pictures before heading to the gift shop.  I just needed my flag pin, so they showed me the display.  There it was.  No, they were sold out.  Okay, I’d take the display pin.  No, they couldn’t do that.  Wait, what?  The pins were on order, and they didn’t need a display model for something that was out of stock, right?  Wrong.  They refused to sell it to me.  I begged and pleaded, but they refused.  I told them I came all the way from New York to get a flag pin.  Nope, no dice.  Alright, where else could I get it?

They suggested West Edmonton Mall.  I looked up souvenir shops in Edmonton.  There was like a warehouse store not too far away.  They had to have it.  They opened at 10 AM, and it was almost 10 AM.  Needless to say, at this point I was considering a Plan B.  I had a prepaid reservation in Calgary.  Could I get a refund and book something in Banff?  The warehouse store was completely sold out, someone had just bought them all out a few days ago, and he said no one else in town would have it, since he’s the one who supplies the stores.  I called WEM.  They said they had it.  Plan B was become more and more necessary now.  The funniest part was, I have been to Edmonton before, but I wasn’t collecting Provincial legislatures and flag pins then, which was what necessitated this hunt.  As I was driving, I noticed that my suit wasn’t in the car.

Fuck.  I had left it in the hotel.  Okay, now there was zero chance of me getting to the VC in Banff.  I began switching my reservation.  I called the hotel here, the hotel in Calgary, and the hotel in Banff.  Wait, wasn’t my passport in my suit?!?  Yikes.  An adventure, indeed.  Banff had rooms.  Edmonton found my suit.  Calgary could not refund my reservation.  I had to call hotels.com directly.  My passport was not in my suit.  Where could it be?  Did I leave it in my room?  Housekeeping would check.  Hotels.com said they would make an exception for such a good customer and issue a refund.  Meanwhile, I was looking for my souvenir shop.  It was all so familiar, and instinct kicked in, my memory, and my sense of direction.  I had been here before, two years ago.  I quickly found the souvenir shop and the flag pin.  Everything was working out, except the passport.  I had my Global Entry card, so I could get back into the US, but that passport has so many stamps.  Maybe it was in my bag, in my sleep deprived state, could I have forgotten I put it away?

That was exactly what happened.  There it was.  I went back to the hotel, got my suit, and was back on the road at 11 AM with a hotel booked in Banff.  I made my way to Jasper, knowing that I could now enjoy my time in the park.  I stopped for gas and food along the way, getting lunch at A&W, smoking a Camacho before lunch and a Timeless afterwards.  When I got to Jasper NP, I was once again floored by the natural beauty.  I was in town soon after that, where I went to the VC, the ATM, and then found a nice spot in the shade, where I lit up a Davidoff and proceeded to write this entry.  I will now close so that I can upload my first batch of photos before I get on the road.

Banff, Alberta (Banff National Park)

What a day!  What a fucking day!  If the seven hours I related in the above entry did not seem exhausting enough, the past seven hours since I closed were even more exhausting.  After I closed and uploaded photos, I went to gas up, the car continuing to hold less and less gas.  I am now having to gas up every 100-150 miles, and I fear that if I continue like this, it will be down to 50 miles, which is not a viable option.  I then continued down the highway to Banff, making sure to stop as much as I could along the way.  I didn’t care what time I got to my hotel, but I didn’t much relish the idea of driving in the dark, not after last night.  I figured that if I got to the hotel at 10:30 PM that would be great, which left me about an hour and a half of activity time.  My original readers know what Dutch time is, but I’ll refresh my newer readers.

The time from when I wake up in the morning to the time I arrive at my hotel at night can be split up into three categories: transit time, activity time, and Dutch time.  Activity time is the 30 minutes for a walk back and forth to a scenic overlook.  Transit time is the hour it takes to drive there.  Dutch time, well, that’s everything else (cf. 7/22/13, The Hague, The Netherlands).  Originally called “horseshit time” (cf. 7/19/13, Baiersbronn, Germany), it refers to the stuff that simply has to be done, such as lunch and gas, and the stuff that cannot be planned, such as traffic or forgetting your suit in a hotel.  This morning had plenty of Dutch time.  In fact, until 11 AM, it was almost all Dutch time, the only activity time being my pictures at the Legislative Building.  Well, after I closed in Jasper, I was done with posting my photos at around 5 PM.  The drive to Lake Louise, where I knew the Plaque to be was about three hours (the transit time).  I hadn’t eaten yet.  I figured that sunset would be a little before 10 PM.  That left me slightly almost two hours for activity time and Dutch time.

There were only two stops I wanted to make on the way to Lake Louise, plus maybe food and/or gas, an hour of activity time, tops.  I gassed up in Jasper, but I wasn’t sure if I could make it to Lake Louise, even though it was only about 230 klicks (130 miles for my non-metric readers) away.  I knew that I would need food, but there were a couple of places on the way where I surely could get some chicken fingers or something.  That left almost an hour of Dutch time allowance.  Surely I’d be fine.  I usually budget an hour of unplanned Dutch time for an entire day.  The first stop was Athabasca falls, a beautiful and scenic overlook of a waterfall.  The next stop was going to be a place at the southern border of the park called the “Icefield Centre,” which had food.  I got there, but the cafeteria was closed, and I didn’t want to sit down to a meal.  I got a Diet Coke and some chocolate, an odd combination to be sure, but I figured it would last me an hour.  I figured wrong.

I stopped again at the next place that might have food, but their cafeteria was closed, too, so I got a beef stick at the grocery store.  I figured that that would tide me over until I got to Lake Louise.  I figured right.  As I was driving through the parks, I was just floored by the natural beauty of the Northern Rockies.  There is nothing like it in the world, and I’m not even sure Alaska can compare.  I certainly chose right for this trip.  I’m sure when I go to Greenland, it will go to the top of the list, but, for now, the Northern Rockies can hold that title.  There was such breathtaking beauty along the way, clearly visible from the road.

My next stop was Peyto Lake, where the inscription photo was taken, a must-see for me.  It was a steep hike up to the viewpoint, and I lit up my Churchill for the Official Cuban of the WHS, figuring it would last me until I got to the Plaque.  When I got to the viewpoint of Peyto Lake, my dreams were shattered.  No, no, no, the sun was right in my eye, and I couldn’t get good pictures, the green color of the lake no longer discernible.  I took my pictures, including some ceremonial pictures, then I saw a couple sitting out on the rock ledge below the viewpoint.  Hmm, how did they get there?  There was no path.  They must have climbed the decking.  I did the same and went to take some ceremonial pictures by them.  The pictures came out better, as I had more control over the angles, but it wasn’t the right picture, since the inscription photo was clear taken from up on the deck.  I climbed back up and headed down to the parking lot.

I had enough cigar and gas to get me to Lake Louise, maybe even enough gas to get me to Banff.  I also should have had no problem getting to the Plaque before sunset and to my hotel before dark.  Should being the keyword.  Reader, remember that Dutch Time.  I knew the Plaque to be at Lake Louise.  I did not realize that the lake itself was quite a few klicks from the village of Lake Louise.  Was the Plaque at the village or the lake?  I had no idea.  I started to go to the lake itself, but that felt wrong, so I turned around and went back to the village.  When I got there, I Googled the plaque, as I quickly realized that this, too, was wrong.  I had to drive all the way back to the lake.  I was chasing the sunset.  I was on a complete adrenaline rush, too focused on my quest to notice my hunger.  As I was walking around the village, a couple asked me to take their picture.  I was very tight on time, but how could I refuse?  How many times have I asked strangers to take my picture?  I got to the lake, but you couldn’t just drive up to the lake, there was a bit of a hike, a small hike, but every minute counted.

There it was, the plaque, prominently and gorgeously displayed, out in the open, accessible to the public 24/7/365, at the most scenic spot in the whole site, not squirreled away next to a restroom or secreted away in a storage closet.  NPS, take note, get some lessons from your brothers to the north.  I took my ceremonial pictures and then enlisted some help from strangers.  The first ones came out blurry, but the women who had taken them was walking away.  I asked someone else.  He knew what he was doing.  He knew how to properly hold and steady the camera.  The horizontal picture came out beautifully, but the vertical one had the Plaque cut off.  He kept taking and retaking the pictures until I had my perfect picture.  I apologized for tormenting him and thanked him profusely, but he was glad to oblige, or at least he appeared to be.  I had ditched my cigar for the Official Plaque pictures, thinking it was done, but, after the pictures, I realized that there was still enough cigar left to sit down and enjoy this beautiful view as dusk kicked in.  I picked up the cigar and did just that before ditching the cigar again and heading back to my car.

Reader, if you figured that my adventures for the day were over at that point, you figured wrong.  I needed food, and I was almost an hour from my hotel.  I would need to get food in Lake Louise.  I could not wait until I got to Banff.  I got back to the village around 9:45 PM, and almost everything was closed, except for a casual restaurant and a souvenir shop.  They both closed at 10 PM.  Meanwhile, I called Hertz at the Calgary airport.  They had one American car, but it was a compact car.  I was welcome to it, and they would check with the distribution center to see if they could find a full-size.  I’d rather have the compact car with a working fuel gauge than the one I was driving.  I went to the restaurant, ordered a grilled cheese sandwich to go, along with a Diet Coke, and went back to the souvenir shop.  My food was ready by the time I got my souvenirs, and I scarfed it down walking back to my car.

With all the shuttling between the village and the lake, I could no longer risk the drive to Banff.  I went to the gas station across the street, where a Danish couple asked me if I could help them with Canadian gas.  Of course I would.  They didn’t understand the octane levels.  I told them that, with a rental car, always use the cheapest gas.  If it’s your own car, it might make sense to use premium, but only if you consistently use premium, not with a rental, though.  One small problem.  The server was offline, so we couldn’t use the pumps there.  Fortunately, there was one about a hundred meters down the road.  That worked.  I was able to get enough gas in the tank to make it to the airport, which should be my first stop after I leave Banff tomorrow.  The twilit drive to the hotel was possibly even more beautiful than the sunlit drive earlier.  I was on the Trans-Canadian highway, and I saw a series of short tunnels, which I thought were pedestrian bridges.  I soon realized that they were actually wildlife crossing.  I guess you woudn’t want a deer to walk across a major highway.

I was at my hotel before dark.  I checked in, parked, went up to my room, got a Coke Zero, washed my feet, cleaned my cut, and reapplied the bandage to my knee.  I got to the hotel at 11 PM, which I knew meant I would not get to sleep until 1 AM.  It is almost 1 AM now.  I realized that I left my phone cord in the car, so I wouldn’t be able to publish today.  I guess I’ll do it during breakfast.  I got myself situated, sat down by the fireplace (a cheap gas knockoff), lit up an Ardor, and proceeded to write this entry, which I will now close so that I can get to sleep.  The VC here opens at 9 AM, so I want to get there right when they open, as I have another long day ahead of me, but, at least I’ll be doing it with six hours of sleep instead of four, as I have done the past two nights.  Once I get to Regina, the pace will slow up for the last two days of the trip.  It has been an amazing trip, and now I’m in the homestretch.