The Wonder of It All - Day 2 - The Pyramids

11/28/15, “The Pyramids”

Giza, Egypt

Reader, just take a moment.  Read that caption.  Take a look at that picture.  There is perhaps no more iconic picture that can be taken anywhere in the world.  It is the oldest and the last standing Wonder of the Ancient World.  It is a World Heritage Site.  By my standards, it is the number one site to see in the world.  What can compete?  Nothing.  I have truly found the wonder of it all.

Now, reader, take a second look at this picture, what do you not see?  Throngs of tourists.  The ones you do see, mostly local.  Sure, there are a few Asian and European tourists, but I might be the only American here.  What has happened to the world?  Are people so scared to travel that they are willing to miss out on the wonder of it all?  Reader, I am not advocating going to Damascus for your winter holiday, but there are so many wonderful places in the world that people miss out on out of fear, fear of the unknown more than anything else.  Reader, do you know what the biggest danger is here?  Getting ripped off by vendors.  This is a safe place, for now.  See it while you can.  I have been all over the world, to 58 countries now.  This is the most impressive man-made site I have ever seen, ever.

Okay, so after I closed last night, I went out to the hookah lounge, where I drank coffee and smoked hookah for an hour and a half.  It was pure relaxation.  When I get back home, I had trouble falling asleep, whether it was due to the coffee or the excitement, I know not.  I woke up three short hours later, rushing to get to the train station on time, not evening having time for breakfast.  I could have slept straight through, but, well, I was too hungry, so I needed food and coffee, and, well, they let you smoke in the dining car.  I lit up my Davidoff Escurio, having forgotten to smoke it on the drive to Alexandria.

By the time I was done, we were almost at Cairo, and there were no available seats for me.  I wasn’t complaining.  The fare was dirt cheap.  When I say dirt cheap, I mean it was the equivalent of taking Amtrak from NYC to Boston, and the price of the train was almost exactly what you’d pay on Amtrak for a soda and a bag of chips, literally.  I took a taxi from the station to Giza, smoking a Partagas en route.  We were soon at the hotel, and I checked in, still smoking me cigar.  You can pretty much smoke everywhere here.  Did I mention that?  I got to my room and started to relax.

Then I realized I didn’t have my passport.  I figured I left it at the front desk when I checked in, so I raced back.  She had it.  I went back to my room and took a bit of a nap.  I then headed out.  Reader, I had done my reading.  I knew to expect the hawkish vendors and scams.  I did not realize how aggressive they would be.  I got scammed a little, though they weren’t exactly bad deals.  First, someone told me he was with the office and tried to get me to follow him to take a camel.  I realized he was leading me the wrong direction, so I walked away.

I got my tickets, including an entry to the Great Pyramid, which I guess I won’t use, and I walked through the gate.  There is plenty of security here.  It’s safe.  This would be what they call a “hard target.”  Even the train stations had security.  I was immediately accosted by people offering me camel and horse rides.  I turned them all down.  I wanted to do my thing.  I wanted to get to this spot, light up my cigar, and write my entry.  The only thing I was prepared to stop for was souvenirs.

As I was walking, a man came up to me, trying to sell me postcards.  I turned him down.  He asked where I was from.  I told him.  He offered me a handshake.  It would have been rude to turn him down, and he knew he’d try to use my hand as leverage to buy something.  I was right.  I shook his hand and immediately felt his strong grip, but I was prepared, so I quickly pulled it away.  He then offered me a head covering as a gift.  Nothing is free.  I should have known better.  He offered me another one for my wife, even after I told him I was unmarried, because he loved Americans.  I should have known better.  He then gave me some model pyramids and the postcards, again claiming it was a gift.  I should have known better.  He then asked for money, an order of magnitude more than would be appropriate.  I wound up giving him what I thought the items were worth, well, at a high price.

I then kept walking towards the Sphinx, which entailed walking past the vendors.  I haggled to the best of my ability, but they were aggressive, very aggressive.  I got everything I wanted, except a coffee mug, and I wound up getting cajoled into buying another sphinx replica.  I relaxed on my own rule of seeing the change before I hand over my banknotes, and I almost paid the price for it.  I was more angry at myself than at the vendor, but I threatened to get the police if he didn’t give me the right change immediately.  He did, only after I had to threaten him three times.  I continued to the Temple of the Sphinx, where I found the iconic viewpoint, lit up my H. Upmann, took my ceremonial picture, and proceeded to write this entry, which I will now close so that I can enjoy the 45 minutes I have before they close up.

I have written before how finding the familiar within the unfamiliar is one of the most overarching themes of this Travelogue is the familiar within the unfamiliar.  Enjoying a wonderful view in an exotic country on the last day of my Thanksgiving trip as I listen to my Taylor Swift Christmas Album and enjoy my Christmas pipe, that is just so familiar.  I did it in Tehran two years ago.  I did it in Delhi last year.  Now, I’m doing it in Giza.

Next year in Kathmandu, I think.  Now that is a region I have never visited, what I suppose I would call Central Asia.  Never been to Kazakhstan Azerbaijan or Mongolia or any of those countries, and I think they have a culture entirely distinct from the rest of the world, remnants of the nomadic legacy of Genghis Khan.  I am looking forward to that for next year, unless the security situation improves in Iraq, in which I would consider seeking out the site of the Hanging Gardens.

For now, I am enjoying the last of my time in Egypt, and I say enjoying.  This trip, even if it had two MAJOR fulfillment elements (the Lighthouse and the Pyramids) has been very enjoyable.  I am staring at Pyramids, though I can only make out the outline and only vaguely due to the thick pollution from Cairo.  There is nothing like it in the world.  Nothing.  Now, there is one minor difference between this trip and the past two.  If it was in line with the other two trips, I would be taking a late night flight out of Cairo and spend a full day in Cairo tomorrow.

I will miss that, instead of affording Cairo the proper respect as a world capital, I will merely treat it like Cienfuegos or Zacatacas or any other city WHS.   I will take my picture and write my entry, briefly, if I have time in the morning.  I might even skip it entirely.  This trip was not about modern Egypt.  It was about Ancient Egypt.  Even Parliament I cannot visit, since Egypt technically doesn’t even have a parliament now.  I would have preferred an evening flight to an early morning one, but that is it not the option I was afforded.  Alright, enough rambling.  I’m tired, and I have to leave for the airport in 6 hours.

After I closed, I carefully made my way down to the ground, no easy feat with my bags.  More on that later.  I was accosted again by the same hawkers from earlier.  A young girl tried to sell me bookmarks.  I didn’t need bookmarks.  I don’t use bookmarks.  I use the flap on hardcovers and memorize the page number on paperbacks.  I would wind up giving them away.  I didn’t need more souvenirs to get as gifts.  She would not let up.  In the end, I wound up giving her a small amount in Egyptian Pounds just to get rid of her.

Then came the guy with the camel.  I recognized him from earlier, or he recognized me.  I told him that I would go for a one-hour ride, but first I wanted to go inside the Great Pyramid and then drop everything off at my hotel room.  No, I didn’t have enough time to go inside the Pyramid.  I only wanted to take a quick look.  I still needed to drop off my bags at the hotel.  I could leave them at the stable.  Yeah, not in a million years.  I did not tell him that.  I firmly said I would take a one-hour ride at the price quoted on the sign outside the stables.  He agreed, begrudgingly it seemed.

When I got to the Pyramid, it was not at all what I expected.  I thought I’d go through some passages and look around and then leave.  Well, the thing is, the burial chamber is actually at the top of the Pyramid, not the bottom.  Reader, do you know how tall the Great Pyramid of Giza is?  It’s 455 feet high.  I don’t think the chamber was at the very top, the number I heard was 100 meters (330 feet).  My office is on the 27^th Floor of the building.  That’s 324 feet.  I would never dream of going all the way up those steps and back down.  Never.

The Great Pyramid of Giza has no such modern staircase.  It has a ramp with a bar of wood every foot or so.  It was basically a tunnel, no more than five feet high.  I still had my two heavy bags with me.  It was quite strenuous, but it was worth it to get to the top.  I literally collapsed on the floor of the burial chamber.  It was getting to closing time.  I took a few pictures inside before making my way down, which was much less strenuous but far more treacherous.  Someone helped me with my souvenir bag, which meant I had to tip him.

Reader, if you ever go to Egypt, here is my number one tip: make sure you always have banknotes of all denomination and always try to pay in exact change.  They are not so fond of giving change.  If you need to get change, make sure you see the change before you hand over your larger banknote.  Know the exchange rate and don’t let them trick you.  Anyway, I got outside, and I lit up a Churchill, which I knew I would be smoking continuously from that point all the way through my camel ride.  Did I mention you can smoke everywhere here?

I saw my guide again and reminded him again about our deal.  Again, begrudgingly he accepted it.  I told him I’d be back in about 20 minutes.  I went back to the hotel, uploaded the selfie I had taken at the Sphinx, which I knew would blow up my Facebook page (18 Likes in under six hours, I think a record for me for a selfie), and went up to my room.  I then headed out, and I got on the camel.  I had read the most important thing about the camel rides was to keep track of your own time and tell him to turn around when it is halfway through, then only pay the agreed-upon price.

Again, I will need to waive my custom of avoiding monetary amounts.  The sign clearly stated 50 Egyptian Pounds ($6.50) per half hour, which would be 100 Pounds ($13) for an hour.  He acknowledged that price.  It is a very small amount relatively for the service he is providing.  It’s a great deal.  I only had US $20 banknotes and Egyptian 200-Pound banknotes.  I knew it would be a challenge to get the change on the 200-Pound Banknote.  The light seems to have turned off, so I will need to pause while I fix it.

Hmm, it seems the light out here is either broken or non-existent.  They must have turned off a downstairs light that confused me.  Anyway, we started riding, and I thought he was going to take me through the dessert the whole time.  Instead, he took me through this village.  Holy crap.  I’d seen villages like this.  On the screen.  In Zero Dark Thirty and American Sniper.  I was not unafraid.  My biggest fear was being set up to be mugged.  He kept telling me to secure my cell phone and wallet.  Was that a set up so that an associate would see where I was keeping those items?  My water bottle was the bigger risk of falling out.

After half an hour, when we finally got to the dessert with the view of the Pyramids, such as it was through the smog.  I told him it was time to turn around.  I was tired and hungry and just wanted to get home.  My stomach was hurting from the motion of the camel.  We made our way back, me ditching my cigar on the way back.  When we got back, I dismounted, and I prepared to pay him.  Reader, you will recall that we agreed on 100 Pounds ($13).  I took out a 200-Pound banknote and asked if he had change.  He said that he wanted to get paid in American Dollars.  I was prepared to give him the $20 and walk away, but he must have taken me for a fool or thought that I would get confused on the exchange rate.  He said something like, “Give whatever you want, some people give $40, some people give $60, whatever you like.”  Do these guys all go to scamming school or something?  It was the same line the guy who “gave” me the headdress used on me.  I gave him $20 and told him to be happy because it was more than we had agreed on.

I walked away and then went to the souvenir shops by the hotel, asking around for a coffee mug with a picture of the Pyramids.  He said I’d need to come back later.  I promised I would in 2-3 hours.  It was 6:15 PM when I got to the hotel.  I then went back to my room and messaged two of my friends about the day, one by text, one by Facebook.  I had little faith in the pictures going through by text.  They did not, so I went back to the lobby to send her the pictures by Facebook.  My grand plan had been to take a nap.  It was past 7 PM by the time I got it all sorted out.  I then finally took the nap.  I woke up, starving.  It was almost 9 PM now.  I had only had one proper meal the entire trip, the seafood last night, having a light breakfast this morning and just eating assorted pastries for lunch each day.  This would be my big, Official meal in Egypt, real Egyptian food.  I will pause once more so that I can fill up a pipe.  Once more I find myself at the end of a trip, having brought a half dozen pipes (other than the Christmas Pipes) and not having smoked one.  I will smoke one now.

Okay, so I went across the street to the vendor.  He didn’t have the right one.  He said he would send to the warehouse and have it sent to my room.  It seemed suspicious.  I turned him down and went the restaurant.  I just wanted the most authentic Egyptian meal possible.  I got some rice sausage as an appetizer, which was meant for two, a plate of lamb chops, and Koshari, along with bread and Diet Coke.  He said that was too much food.  He recommended I swap out the Koshari for a smaller rice dish.  Koshari is the national dish of Egypt.  I didn’t care if it came in a huge bowl meant to be shared among the whole table.  There was no way I was leaving without trying it, even if I didn’t finish half of it.  It is an assortment of starches: pasta, rice, beans, lentils, nuts, with like a tomato sauce.

I will not recount all the details of the meal, as I am in a hurry to wrap this up and try to get at least three hours of sleep, two full REM cycles.  I can sleep for the first half of the flight, but I will need as much wits about me as possible to successfully execute my brief stop in Cairo.  The entire meal was delicious, and I ordered dessert, but it was too late, and the kitchen was closed.  I could get a traditional Egyptian tea.  They had cinnamon tea or mint tea.  He said the mint tea was more traditional.  He brought me a pot with a yellow Lipton label hanging out and a few mint leaves in the pot.  Just like the pharaohs used to drink, right?  I heard Mr. Lipton was one of the leading sponsor of the Exodus.

I was so disappointed that I just drank enough to clear the taste in my mouth and I went back to the room, stopping at the front desk to try and arrange a taxi to the airport.  The price he quoted was outrageous, but I was fine if it included my stop in Cairo.  No, that would almost double the price.  They wouldn’t even haggle.  I decided I would just hail a street taxi in the morning.  Or use Uber.  This process took almost twenty minutes, eliminating my ability to take a nap.

Instead, I messaged my friend and posted the picture of the meal, with chopsticks, to Facebook.  By the time I went to the bathroom, it was 11:11 PM, then I finally took my nap, knowing I’d have to wake up before midnight if I wanted to avoid having to change the date on the entry.  I woke up around 11:55 PM.  I headed outside, where I lit up my 2014 Christmas Pipe and proceeded to write this entry, which I will now close so that I can publish and get some sleep.