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12/31/14
Orne Harbor, Antarctica
Of all the day datelines I have ever written, this one trumps them
all. Why, then, am I crying? I am not fighting back tears of joy. No, it’s the five words I just uttered and
the reason I uttered them. “It’s been Official, my friend.” It is a water bottle that has travel all over
the world, has joined me on all five continents I visited, and 43
countries. I have taken the last sip I
will ever take from that water bottle.
I
suppose now is as good as a time for a confession as any, something that only
me and my parents know. This water
bottle was not the same as I lost at security at JFK on my way to Israel. No, that water bottle wound up in some landfill
somewhere. My mother went to the camping
store and bought a new one to send to me in Israel. I will soon be sending her an email asking
her to purchase Mark 3 for me. I guess,
if I had to choose some place to take the last sip, here on the continent of
Antarctica, smoking my Cohiba is as good a place as any, better than any, in
fact. I knew it was foolish to expect
that this water bottle would last another 15 years, but I had at least hoped it
would see 2015. No, I have taken the
last sip. It will come home with me of
course, and it belongs in a freaking museum.
Alright, enough about my water bottle.
That story will be told in its proper time.
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The adventures of the evening did not end
with sunrise. As I was publishing my
entry, Davie told me that they were all up on the 4th Deck
discussing politics. I promised to join
them in a few minutes after I got myself situated. I thought they were outside, so I dropped off
my laptop and picked up some cigars. I
went back up to the 4th Deck and saw Davie with Beth and Frances in
the lounge. We discussed all the issues
of the day, and I was once again back at MathCamp engaging in profitable
intellectual debate with new friends at the wee hours of the morning. I knew that the four of us could rationally
discuss any issue, and we did exactly that, and it turned out we were all
libertarians. What are the odds?
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Well, we looked at the scenery and the sun
and the whales and half-heartedly suggested going to sleep. It was, to repeat the word I keep using,
magical. We then went to the bridge and
kept the officers company. It was then
that the quote of the morning occurred.
We were trying to remember some character from Greek Mythology, and I
asked, as if this was too unreal to believe, “Are we really discussing Greek
Mythology at 4 in the morning on a boat in Antarctica?” Beth was quick to respond, “What else are we
going to discuss at 4 in the morning?” In the end, we decided to go to sleep at 4:30 AM, get three hours,
reconvene for breakfast at 8 AM, and then get the rest of our sleep between the
landings so that we would be refreshed for New Year’s Eve. We did just that. This magical night had come to an end.
Beth was sitting at her usual table when I
went down for breakfast, and she greeted me warmly, but the rest of the group
was nowhere to be found. She said that
her family was sleeping in, and her plate was almost empty. I had gotten my favorite, corned beef hash
with fried eggs. I knew that eating that
next to her with chopsticks was asking for trouble, but she found it to be
somewhere in between amusing and impressive.
She was on the earlier group for the landing, so she apologized for
leaving me alone at the table and excused herself. I then went to join John and Kathy and
Frances, but, no sooner had I sat down, than they, too, had to excuse
themselves. I then saw the rest of
Beth’s family, so I went to join them, and they stayed a little longer, long
enough for me to finish my meal.
I went
back up to my room and got ready for the expedition. This time I would make it Official: suit,
cigar, water bottle. What’s the worse
they could do to me for smoking on the continent? I was all ready to go. Wait, I forgot my water bottle, so I ran back
for it. I put it in my pocket, but it
was loose fitting and would not zip all the way. We headed outside, and as I stepped in the
disinfecting solution, my water pants were falling down, so I adjusted
them. I heard a crash, and John Frick, I
think, handed me my water bottle. It did
not look right. Was that ice
inside? No, why was it spilling on
me? Hmm, I inspected it. It was cracked beyond repair, making it
practically useless. This would be the
water bottle’s last great adventure, and where better place to take the last
sip?
I have just had to relocate to a more visible location, which means
that the rest of my cigar is off the table.
Anyway, I smoked a cigar in Antarctica, and I have my Official picture
with the suit, cigar, and water bottle.
I have taken the last sip, and Mark 3 will be waiting for me in New York
when I get back. Well, I showed off my
broken water bottle, and no one had ever before seen or heard of a Nalgene
breaking. It must have been the perfect
combination of the cold, the drop, and possibly the disinfecting solution. Denise (Sam and Danny’s mom) told me to take
it back to the store where I bought it so that they could replace it. Even if they couldn’t, the cost of a new water
bottle would be inconsequential compared to the cost of this trip. She was right, but she was also wrong. Somehow I had had a feeling that the water
bottle would not survive this landing, and I was right. But that is not what is important. What is important is that I have Officially
visited five continents.
When we landed,
I asked where I could go, wanting to find a secluded place to smoke my cigar
and write my entry. I had brought my
laptop along in my sleep machine bag, it barely fitting. I was told I could wander off a little but to
stay visible. Not being one to much
follow the rules, I found a little cove where I was hidden from the landing
party but visible from the water. I lit
up my cigar, took my Official pictures, took the last sip, and said, “It’s been
Official, my friend.” As I emptied the
remaining water onto the rocks, the tears welled up.
I sat down to write my entry, doing my best
hide my cigar, having to put it in the cigar saver when Zodiacs got too
close. In the end, I only wound up
smoking about half of it before having to call it quits. I will finish the rest of it when I get back
to the ship. I then relocated, where I
continued to entry, which I will now close so that I can head back to the
landing site and shortly thereafter go back to the ship.
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Oh, wait, I’m in Antarctica, this entry can’t
just be about my new friends and my water bottle. This site looked much the same as the one
from yesterday, and it was much more immense, but I had different goals. Yesterday was about enjoyment, this one was
about fulfillment. That one picture was
why I spent so much money on my ticket.
The enjoyment value I have received has been pure bonus. It is beautiful here, but it all starts to
look the same very quickly.
Aboard M/V Corinthian,
Anchored, Port Lockroy
Once again, I am forced to compare this trip to the New Year’s trips
of the past two years, and there is no comparison. This is a trip without compare. As I smoke my 2011 Christmas Pipe, I know
with absolute certainty that there is no comparison between the events of today
and New Year’s Eve in Quebec two years and New Year’s Day in Vienna and
Instanbul a year ago. While the New
Year’s Eve meal that preceding the smoking of my 2011 Pipe in Quebec had better
food, this one had better company in conversation, but first, the rest of
the adventures of today.
After I closed
on the continent, Dom passed by me asking if I was on my laptop. By the end of the day, word had passed around
the whole ship that someone was sitting down during the landing, writing on his
laptop, completely oblivious to the penguins that were marching in front of
him. When Beth came down, I told her
that I had did what we discussed last night.
Remembering our debate early this morning about what the worst was that
could happen to me if I lit up a cigar on the continent, she knew went I
meant. I went back on the Zodiac with
her and Davie. Once we got back, true to
my new vows to be true to myself, to never try to impress someone by being
someone I was not, or, for that matter, be someone else for anyone else (cue
“Complicated” by Avril Lavigne), I did something I had not done in front of
Beth since we left Ushuaia. I lit up the
rest of my cigar. She didn’t care, and
Davie got a kick out of it. Once Andy
got off, I showed Davie and Andy the picture of me with the cigar and water
bottle on the continent, which they found most amusing. Davie said that he would do it with me next
time if we had a chance.
We decided that
we would nap and meet up again for lunch at 1 PM. When I got to my cabin, there was an officer
outside on the radio. He said something
about false smoke alarms and, when I walked by, said that he definitely smelled
either cigarettes or cigar. I told him
that that smell was me and invited him into my cabin. Yes, that was the smell, but it didn’t
explain the false alarms. I was able to
honestly tell him that I had been smoking outside the whole trip. He left, and I took a very brief nap. It was not enough, and I was not able to
enjoy lunch. Besides, Davie and Beth
were nowhere to be found. I ate
sparingly and was done before they got there.
I think I then had an Ashton ESG, another top ten cigar of the year, and
it was deserving of the ranking. I went
up to the club, where I found some of my friends, including Kathy, who,
finally, after 5 days, told me she preferred to be called Katherine. Dom and Danny played a very sloppy chess
game, and, afterwards, the oldest of the high schoolers, who said he was really
good at chess, challenged me. I played
sloppy, but he played sloppier, and I had no trouble beating him.
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It was then time to make our next landing. We were anchored in Port Lockroy, and there
is a small museum/post office/research station, which is visible to me as I
write this entry. I got my souvenirs and
mailed some postcards back to New York. There
was no need to stay any longer. Beth’s mother
wanted to take some family photos, and Andy excitedly greeted me. They asked me to take some pictures, a task I
gladly accepted. Afterwards, Beth’s mother
insisted that she take a picture for me, in contrast to all of my selfies. I obliged.
Beth took and earlier Zodiac back, but the rest of us were all on the
next one. I lit up an OpusX Angel’s Share when I got
back to the ship and uploaded my photos.
I hung out in the club with Davie and Andy, and we all went down to
dinner together. There was no question
about me joining them at dinner again. We
laughed and joked, as Beth’s mom made fun of Beth and Andy, them both for their
picky eating habits, and then Beth’s dad and I had a grand time teasing Beth
for getting Australia and Africa mixed up on the map. Davie offered Andy a small amount of money if
he would try the chicken liver, and I offered an even smaller amount to the pot
if he would eat it with chopsticks. He
agreed, and I produced a pair of chopsticks.
He ate the whole plate and decided that he would eat the rest of the
meal with chopsticks. Beth refused to
touch the liver, neither with a fork nor with chopsticks (Would you, could you,
on a boat?) Davie then asked if he could
eat her liver. The phrasing was “Can I
eat your liver?” I could not stop
cracking up, and I explained that I thought of Prometheus. Davie got the joke, but Beth missed, she not having heard of Prometheus.
Well, next up, we got our venison, and I knew that Andy would be wanting
a second portion. I also wanted one, so
I asked if we could get a few extra portions.
They brought one for me but not one for Andy. When my second portion came, just as I was
finishing my first portion, he shot me a murderous look, but they gladly
brought him some more venison. It was so
good, and I was starting to get toasted at this point. After they cleared our plates, Davie and Andy
started playing loudly with their utensils.
Beth’s mom was none too pleased.
I then started beating my new pair of chopsticks like drums.
Expecting me to the older and more mature
one, she was even more disappointed with me than she was with her
stepchildren. “You may be excused! Back to your room!” she reprimanded me. Catching her tone, I started cracking up. Andy and I both got seconds on our dessert,
and I asked if anyone wanted more wine.
Beth’s mom insisted that we could not handle any more wine, and she was
probably right. Beth and Davie were
drinking white wine, and I was drinking red, so I went to get a carafe of each,
definitely against the rules. Beth’s mom
insisted that Beth had had enough wine, but Beth said that she was 21 and could
have as much wine as she wanted. I
poured the wine for her and put the carafe in the center of the table. I then poured my red wine and saw the
waitress coming up, not looking happy.
Between rushing to pour it and my inebriation, I made quite the
mess. “I can’t take you, anywhere!” she
admonished me.
The
waitress said that they had to serve the wine.
I handed her the carafe and my now half-full glass of wine and asked if
I could have some more wine. Everyone
excused themselves except for Beth’s parents, and I walked out with them when
they left. As they were about to get on
the elevator, Beth’s mom got serious and asked me to do her a favor and “make
sure the kids don’t stay up too late.” I
heard my aunt’s voice in that sentence.
(My mom’s sister would have definitely known better than to trust me
with that task.) I joked that I would
try to get them to go to sleep before 3 AM.
She asked me to just be a “good role model.” I said that I would try and started cracking
up as soon as the elevator doors closed.
I headed to my room to rub out my
tobacco. I headed to the smoking deck,
lit up my 2011 Christmas Pipe, and proceeded to write this entry, which I will
now close, so that I can join the New Year’s Eve festivities. 2014 has been amazing year, and I had thought
there was no way it could have been better than 2013. I was wrong.
With a wonderful girlfriend and great new friends, in addition to all of
the incredible travelling I did this year, I can say with absolute certainty
that 2014 has been the best year of my life.
For 2015, I only have one New Year’s resolution: to be true to
myself. I will never again be someone
that I am not, not for anyone, not for any reason. With that, I declare my Travelogue closed for
2014.
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